Mothers are the guiltiest people in the world. We blame ourselves for practically everything. If our child has a cold, it's because we didn't bundle him tightly enough or give him enough multi-vitamins last week. If our child has a milk allergy, it must be because we fed her dairy at too young an age or because we ate too much ice cream when we were pregnant. It's true; there is no end to the amount of blame mothers heap upon themselves for everything that goes wrong. It's ludicrous when you think about it.
The irony is that everybody lets us take the blame. Modern psychology dictates that people are the physiological and psychogical product of their parents. Criminals and sociopaths are more than happy to twist that logic and shift the blame to their upbringing. Time and again they sing the song of neglect and abuse as an excuse for their excerable behavior.
Not to be misunderstood, I don't want to diminish the role of the mother or to underplay the importance of her impact in the lives of her children. It's just that so often mothers live an existance of paranoia and guilt. It seems to me that the very best mothers are those who feel the worst about the way that they have raised their children. They forever lament, "If only I had. . . my child might be happier/ more secure/ more productive." How ironic that the truly negligent mothers are those who never feel guilty about and are constantly defensive of their parenting.
OK, so maybe you fed your kids mini-donuts before sending them to school today, and maybe one your son's socks was navy and the other was black, but it's time to let that go. I assert that for the rest of the day all of the good mothers who know they try their hardest but fall short of perfection sit back, take a much-needed deep breath and just for a moment, let go of the guilt and fear. Don't focus on your three-year-old who still has accidents, or your son who bloodied another kid's nose on the playground last week. Think about those great and simple moments when you didn't even have to remind your son to share his toy with his younger brother or when your daughter thought to have you help her bake cookies for a sick neighbor. You gave them that, too.
For one moment think of all that has gone right and pat yourself on the back. You deserve it! Please share some great motherly moments. What better way to celebrate?
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9 comments:
You are a great mom! So is mom!
I'm scared to be a mom.
mmm...doughnuts.
Thank you Marie, well put! I'll try to follow your suggestions.
My blogging kids are enough to make my buttons burst. They are so inciteful and articulate. The ones that don't blog are pretty cool too. I am one blessed mother.
Laura don't be afraid. It all works out, I promise.
I finally answered your tag! GO ME!
Wow... so well put. I am often shocked by the lack of support we give each other as moms. Thanks for yours!
Yeah I am L.D.S but I didn't get married in the temple,at least not yet.
My Husband and I will go through though.
You're so sweet! What a lovely post, and soooo true. I forgot to do laundry the other evening after work (again) because I was helping my daughter with her homework (again). The next morning I realized too late that she had no clean pants or underwear for school and I had to pull some out of the hamper, and I felt just so guilty sending her off like that. It's not the first time that has happened, of course, but each time it happens I feel worse because I think how could it happen yet AGAIN? But, you're right, the good things completely outweigh stuff like that and we should really gives ourselves a break.
Thank you for the comment you left on my blog. I appreciate it. :-)
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